Lucky
1:30 PM - Posted by Bobbi - 0 comments
For some reason I've been thinking a lot about an old, old discussion some Fairbanks friends and I were having. I am not at all sure how the subject had come up, but we were talking about "the best". Everyone agreed that one friend had the best, most beautiful house. Another friend's husband had the best body and everyone wanted their husband to look like that.

As shallow and self-absorbed as it was, I waited for someone to say they wanted something of mine - but it didn't come. No one said they wanted my house, my car, or my husband. No one wanted my family, my life, my anything. I was hurt, deeply hurt, not because my life wasn't great, but because it meant I was not special.

The funny thing is, I look back at that conversation and a part of me still feels a little sad. I've grown up a lot since then and don't rely on others so much to make me happy but there will always be that little part of me that wishes someone would say, "Wow, Bobbi. You're so lucky."

The thing is, I already know I'm lucky.

I have a husband who washes the dishes almost every night, who pitches in with the housework, and who makes enough to support us so that I can stay home and take care of the boys, if need be. I'm not afraid to speak to him about anything and everything. He supports me in my crazy endeavors.

I have two boys who are amazing human beings. They are creative and kind, intelligent and loving. They are gracious to their classmates and teachers. People remember them.

I live in a brand-new townhouse. I teach people English. I brought Imagination Library to Beloit. I take care of myself. I get to travel. I have sewing skills. I can (successfully!) write grants. I have an extended family that loves me. I have friends who like me for who I am.

There are more things that make me lucky, too. So even though it wasn't spoken those many years ago, I am incredibly lucky.

What makes you lucky?

Blessed be.


Normal
10:57 AM - Posted by Bobbi - 0 comments
As a child, you grow up in a certain environment. You don't always have the ability to determine whether or not you exist in a normal or abnormal situation.

My sisters and I grew up in a tiny, 2-bedroom apartment in Barrow, Alaska. With such limited space, most people would have limited stuff, simply because at a certain point, you'd be falling over things just to get from one place to the next. 

I remember vividly, however, the stacks of boxes along the wall next to the door to the main complex. There was a desk under there, somewhere. The kitchen countertops were always covered with dishes or food because the cupboards were full of dishes, food, and papers. In fact, our pet birds lived in the kitchen since there wasn't room for them anywhere else (I don't even want to think about how unsanitary that was).

The thing is, all of this was normal to us girls. Some of our other friends had as much (or more) stuff in their homes, too. The "I might need it someday" mentality was very much alive - not just in our home - but in our community as well. Getting rid of stuff was unthinkable. 

My parents have since moved to Anchorage and their 3-bedroom home is filled with stuff. Some rooms have neat paths through the clutter from the door to the beds or the furniture. In other rooms, it's floor to ceiling piles of boxes, papers, and books. 

My parents are fairly neat hoarders; it's dusty and they have pets, but my mom maintains their living conditions fairly well considering their predicament. She vacuums regularly in the paths with visible carpet. 

My dad collects books and stamps in order to sell them and my mom keeps every single childhood memento - even scraps of paper or junky McDonald's toys. For my dad, stuff means money; for my mom, it's a tie to the past.

The problem is, the house isn't just full of Mom and Dad's stuff; there's a huge amount of stuff belonging to my sisters and my nephew as well. For one sister, this stuff is a remnant of a past relationship with her emotionally abusive ex. As cliche as it sounds, the stuff seemed to represent this barrier for her: life seemed somewhat livable because she was protected by a physical wall of stuff. My youngest sister still has stuff at my mom and dad's because her 2-bedroom condo is too full of toys and clothes to bring it to her house. She's not a really collector and I don't see her as a hoarder, she just has a lot of things from when her girls were little that she's interested in selling, but just hasn't gotten around to it yet. So, she has a mentality similar to Dad's.

And me? My home is not wall-to-ceiling full of stuff, but I do have old papers that I am in the process of getting rid of and I feel as though I could easily become a compulsive shopper. Thrift stores are my weakness and I feel (slightly) disappointed when I leave without buying anything. I love interesting jars and green Floraline vases. I have more than enough fabric for projects years in the making. I have upholstery fabrics that will (eventually) become tote bags. I've had some serious buyers remorse after some of my purchases and have had trouble giving certain things away. It's hard to shake the mentality that I need so much - in actuality, I need very little - and I find so many things that I want but don't have room for. 

Keeping clutter in check is all about self-control and I sometimes lack self-control. 

For instance, I received a birthday coupon from my favorite thrift store giving me $5 off my next purchase of $5 or more. The problem is that this thrift store is nearly two hours away, up at the farm. We have been busy every single weekend, so odds are I will not be using the coupon, which sends me into a slight panic every time I think about it because I cannot resist a good deal. I can't rush to the farm whenever there's a good deal up there and yet I feel this compulsion to do so. I know this is ridiculous and silly, but I can't help it.

This Spring, I aim to get my paper clutter out. I plan on getting a high school photo album made and the old pictures sent off to friends because I don't like it sitting around and - more importantly - I don't want that stuff anymore. Why keep it?

How about you? How is your Spring Cleaning going? What are you planning on getting rid of?

Blessed be.