Perhaps I shouldn't be admitting this, but I used to be a very good Wiccan. When I first converted, I practiced all of the holidays, Sabbats, and Esbats. I religiously watched the phases of the moon and star-gazed on the roof of my parent's house. I collected herbs and plants along the Coastal Trail and not only knew the names of every single one of them, but also what magickal properties they contained. I conducted rituals and rites - for myself only (after one mishap I never could perform another rite for anyone else). I had not one but two Tarot decks and I made my own runes from rocks I collected on the beach. I even meditated on a regular basis.
Sometimes I wonder if that gung-ho Wiccan is gone for good...but then I remember that maybe it's more important I have found a religious philosophy I agree with than just blindly following. I've always thought that people who just go to church because they feel they have to are no better off than people who don't go. I'm comfortable in this Wiccan shell.
Because of that, I have decided that I'm going to start meditating again. I always complain that I never have time to myself and that I can never just BE. I always have to be doing something. Maybe it's because I have another kid on the way or maybe it's because I feel as though I want to know myself better as a spiritual being, but I feel as if I am drawn to meditating again because it is the one part of being Wiccan that I really miss. I miss the way it made me feel and I miss the way that it seemed to comfort me when I was troubled. Everything else is just a tool - Tarot, runes - but meditation really seemed to help me cope with all of my teenage angst.
The other day, I felt blocked. Something inside me needed to come out. I did some meditation while Robinson was putting Arthur to bed and after about 3 minutes I couldn't contain my tears. I just started sobbing. Obviously, I was still grieving over my grandmother's death even though I haven't openly cried in several months. It certainly made me re-evaluate how I was grieving.
For now, I'm going to try and meditate twice a day for no specific length of time. I want to get in the habit of doing it before I fully commit to any length of time. Eventually, my goal is to meditate for an hour a day, broken up into two half-hour chunks. I'm hoping that in doing this I will be better able to look inward and become an even more spiritual person.
Blessed be.
Sometimes I wonder if that gung-ho Wiccan is gone for good...but then I remember that maybe it's more important I have found a religious philosophy I agree with than just blindly following. I've always thought that people who just go to church because they feel they have to are no better off than people who don't go. I'm comfortable in this Wiccan shell.
Because of that, I have decided that I'm going to start meditating again. I always complain that I never have time to myself and that I can never just BE. I always have to be doing something. Maybe it's because I have another kid on the way or maybe it's because I feel as though I want to know myself better as a spiritual being, but I feel as if I am drawn to meditating again because it is the one part of being Wiccan that I really miss. I miss the way it made me feel and I miss the way that it seemed to comfort me when I was troubled. Everything else is just a tool - Tarot, runes - but meditation really seemed to help me cope with all of my teenage angst.
The other day, I felt blocked. Something inside me needed to come out. I did some meditation while Robinson was putting Arthur to bed and after about 3 minutes I couldn't contain my tears. I just started sobbing. Obviously, I was still grieving over my grandmother's death even though I haven't openly cried in several months. It certainly made me re-evaluate how I was grieving.
For now, I'm going to try and meditate twice a day for no specific length of time. I want to get in the habit of doing it before I fully commit to any length of time. Eventually, my goal is to meditate for an hour a day, broken up into two half-hour chunks. I'm hoping that in doing this I will be better able to look inward and become an even more spiritual person.
Blessed be.
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