Boreal Witch

6 weeks is such a milestone - when your baby stops treating you as just a food source and a poop disposer and begins to interact with you. It's when you know that this baby is more than a blob of baby and a true-and-blue little human being.

Just seeing this kid smile makes me happy. It reminds me of when Arthur started to smile - I was pretty miserable, but when he smiled, it somehow made everything better.

Blessed be.

People have two reactions to mothers nursing in public: 1) as if they are trying desperately to avoid eye contact with a gorgon, and 2) as if they aren't interested in what's going on, but they are.

Sarah graciously took Arthur for the day so that I could get some errands done and bond with Balin, so I met up for a quick coffee with another mom friend of mine. Balin started complaining while we were there, so I hefted out left boob thinking he might be hungry.

A pair of 20-something men were sitting close by and out of the corner of my eye, I saw one point (what he thought to be nonchalant) to the other at me. I could tell they were pretty interested in what was going on.

News flash, 20-something men: BOOBS DO OTHER THINGS! Plus, if you have to ogle a nursing mom to get your rocks off, that's a bit creepy. I would have expected you to have at least SEEN a boob by now.

Blessed be.

My boys took me to Chena Hot Springs for swimming and lunch for Mother's Day. My boys aren't really old enough to understand the significance of Mother's Day yet, and I'm secretly excited for the day when they do.

I can't wait until I receive a picture frame that they painted themselves or a lumpy clay pot or some unidentifiable object held together with too much glue.

I'm also inspired by all of the mothers I know. I raise my glass to you:

To Amanda: I admire your drive, your ambition, and your ability to say what you mean.

To Sarah: you take such good care of the people around you. I'm so blessed to be one of those people who have been on the receiving end of your care!

To Seneca: your laid-back attitude is just the thing to keep my high-strung personality in check.

To Blythe: your kindness and generosity inspires me to pay it forward. You never miss a birthday or holiday.

To Becky: I love your frequent calls, just to show you care.

To Gloria: you've treated me as a daughter, niece, and friend.

To my other mother friends (Neva, Loda, Amanda E., Claire, Kim, Sara, Linda, Gail, etc): you've all been so wonderful. It's been an absolute blessing to have you in my life. I appreciate your laughter and many kindnesses.

To my own mother: I may not always have done what you expected of me and we don't always get along, but I love you. You care deeply about me and my family and don't hesitate to show it. You've always tried to support me (even if my decisions weren't the smartest). You've given me so much and I hope that someday I can repay that.

Blessed be.

I'm not a baby person.

Having had two babies, I think I can say that with some certainty. I'm more of an older baby-toddler person.

Needless to say, I've had a very rough day alone with a one month old and a three year old. I know that it's bound to get better, but it's hard to keep some semblance of sanity with a newborn who loves to sleep in my arms (and no where else) and a three year old who is constantly begging for attention.

So far, the post partum depression that I suffered with Arthur has yet to rear its ugly head, which leads me to believe that 1) I've changed a lot since I've had Arthur, 2) the hormones are reacting differently, or 3) I've had a lot more help and a great support network. It could be all three.

Still, days like this leave me wanting to cry and tear my hair out. When Arthur was a baby, I read a book called "Buddhism for Mothers with Young Kids." In it, it recommended writing down three things that you were thankful for everyday. Somehow, I'm not sure how or why, doing that one small thing at the end of a trying day was soothing.

1. I'm thankful that I've already been though this once and that I can anticipate what Balin needs as well as what I need.

2. I'm thankful that I have Arthur to make me laugh. The silly things he says and does always puts a smile to my face.

3. I'm thankful that I have a husband like Robinson who, after a hard day of work, will take both the kids outside to play so that I can be alone with my thoughts.

Blessed be.

Balin's had a cold for the past week. I took him to the doctor today and he's fine. Really, we probably didn't have to go, but since he's so young, it was better I did.

Because he's sick, he's been sleeping a bit more fitfully than he otherwise would, which is causing some sleepless nights. And since Balin's sleeping with us right now (much easier to nurse him when he's right there), it's a challenge to get a full night sleep.

I had a breakdown and spent most of the early morning crying until Robinson came downstairs to take Balin. I probably should have just asked him for help in the first place, but he's more of a bear than I am when it comes to not getting enough sleep and one of us should be getting sleep (right?).

This morning, though, Arthur, Balin, and I were playing together when Arthur started shouting, "Bugga bugga boo!" to Balin, who started to smile. Somehow seeing these two playing together made me feel a whole lot better. I'm still tired, but, well, who cares?

Blessed be.