Tonight, I am home alone: Baby Boy is alseep, my husband is at a school board meeting. I love quiet nights like this where it's just me, the cat, and my bedroom window (inevitably, I stare out the window from the computer desk).
The weather had been unseasonably warm in Fairbanks for this time of year. Gorgeous. It was in the high 60's, low 70's for about a week. Now it's cold, dreary, and will probably rain tonight. It sounds as though I don't care for the rain; that's not true. I love the fresh clean smell of a hard rain and I love the way the earth feels and looks after a shower. It's just that Alaska summers are so short, it's nice to feel the sun on my face.
Nights like this remind me of why I became a Wiccan. I did not grow up Wiccan. Both of my parents were Christian, albeit very bad ones. We attended a little Presbyterian church every Sunday, hardly ever prayed at meals, and never read the Bible. In fact, I received a Bible as a gift from my Sunday School class, but never read it. My grandmother was very upset by this, but I feel blessed that my parents allowed my sisters and I to have the freedom of choosing our own religions.
Anyway...I'm getting off track. I knew at a very young age that the Bible was not for me. Christianity saves some people, but it would not save me. Once I turned 12, I stopped going to church once and for all. Even my father's bribes of a Chinese lunch could not lure me into the house of God. Funny thing was, once I stopped going, the rest of my family did too. It was almost as if my parents didn't have to keep up appearances for the sake of their children any longer.
I was 16 when I finally found Wicca. I loved the basis of this religion. It empowered me in a way that Christianity never did. As a woman I became important, I became loved, I was finally a child of the Universe. I reveled in Nature, I learned all about the plants in my area and their magickal properties, I prayed to the Heavens using candles and incense. It was incredible. I didn't need a book to understand God. God was all around me. God was the butterfly. God was the lapping waves of Cook Inlet. God was the mountain. God was the grass. God was moose. God is man. God is woman. I am God.
I am God.
I felt like I had the Dead Sea Scrolls in my hands. However imperfect, I was walking perfection. I watched the changing seasons with new interest, discovering so many new aspects I hadn't known before: smells, sights, and sounds. All of these, even though I had seen them so many times before, became new to me. I loved experiencing the world through a second childhood.
Now, I have lost some of the need/drive to conduct rituals. I no longer burn candles faithfully and I've stopped burning incense. I have, however, still felt the need to be a part of Nature. I go on long walks everyday with my son. I teach him about the different local animals, plants, and birds. He's too young right now to understand the significance of the Wiccan holidays, but we'll get there. There's still a lot I don't know about the world yet.
Cleansing clouds of grey
Above me whisper song so sweet -
Enchanted, I lay.
'Ere wash the Earth in
Pale drops of melody that
Summer can begin.
Blessed be.
The weather had been unseasonably warm in Fairbanks for this time of year. Gorgeous. It was in the high 60's, low 70's for about a week. Now it's cold, dreary, and will probably rain tonight. It sounds as though I don't care for the rain; that's not true. I love the fresh clean smell of a hard rain and I love the way the earth feels and looks after a shower. It's just that Alaska summers are so short, it's nice to feel the sun on my face.
Nights like this remind me of why I became a Wiccan. I did not grow up Wiccan. Both of my parents were Christian, albeit very bad ones. We attended a little Presbyterian church every Sunday, hardly ever prayed at meals, and never read the Bible. In fact, I received a Bible as a gift from my Sunday School class, but never read it. My grandmother was very upset by this, but I feel blessed that my parents allowed my sisters and I to have the freedom of choosing our own religions.
Anyway...I'm getting off track. I knew at a very young age that the Bible was not for me. Christianity saves some people, but it would not save me. Once I turned 12, I stopped going to church once and for all. Even my father's bribes of a Chinese lunch could not lure me into the house of God. Funny thing was, once I stopped going, the rest of my family did too. It was almost as if my parents didn't have to keep up appearances for the sake of their children any longer.
I was 16 when I finally found Wicca. I loved the basis of this religion. It empowered me in a way that Christianity never did. As a woman I became important, I became loved, I was finally a child of the Universe. I reveled in Nature, I learned all about the plants in my area and their magickal properties, I prayed to the Heavens using candles and incense. It was incredible. I didn't need a book to understand God. God was all around me. God was the butterfly. God was the lapping waves of Cook Inlet. God was the mountain. God was the grass. God was moose. God is man. God is woman. I am God.
I am God.
I felt like I had the Dead Sea Scrolls in my hands. However imperfect, I was walking perfection. I watched the changing seasons with new interest, discovering so many new aspects I hadn't known before: smells, sights, and sounds. All of these, even though I had seen them so many times before, became new to me. I loved experiencing the world through a second childhood.
Now, I have lost some of the need/drive to conduct rituals. I no longer burn candles faithfully and I've stopped burning incense. I have, however, still felt the need to be a part of Nature. I go on long walks everyday with my son. I teach him about the different local animals, plants, and birds. He's too young right now to understand the significance of the Wiccan holidays, but we'll get there. There's still a lot I don't know about the world yet.
Cleansing clouds of grey
Above me whisper song so sweet -
Enchanted, I lay.
'Ere wash the Earth in
Pale drops of melody that
Summer can begin.
Blessed be.
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