Boreal Witch

Busy.

The boys are all in bed, alseep. Tonight I am alone. It's peaceful except for the low hum of the dehydrator. The vegetable crackers it contains will be delicious.

I've got thoughts swimming through my head - mostly things I'll be doing tomorrow, but I'm also reflecting on this month. On the last year. On life.

You see, on Saturday I will be 33. I don't consider myself old, I have not reached that privilege, not yet, but I'm no longer that "young." I am so distant from today's teens and early 20-somethings that I probably could not have a fulfilling conversation with them. Not in the slightest.

In Wicca, life is a cycle. We are born, we live, we die. I don't claim to know what happens to us after that. What matters is what we do in our life and what we pass on to others. Everything that happens to you, every experience or event that occurs teaches you something about yourself. I've come to realize that while I am shaped by those experiences, I also have the power to shape myself. I can dictate the person I become. I choose to do good things or bad things. I make conscious decisions about how I treat people. I decide what I want.

Birthdays are good times to reflect. They force us to examine the things we've done and the thngs we haven't. Our lives suddenly become a little more meaningful on a birthday because our mortality is staring us in the face. Someday, just as we were born on a special day, we will also die. It is inevitable.

I've done a lot in my 3+ decades. I've got a Master's degree. I'm a mother. I've traveled overseas. I volunteer for local organizations. I quilt. I constantly try new things.

But I've also made mistakes. Some serious, some minor. But I've learned from all of them. Life is a process.

Live it. Just live your life. You will always make mistakes.

Just don't have any regrets.

Blessed be.

I am a firm believer in new beginnings. I love new places, new sites, new adventures, new projects.

Can you see what's new in my living room?

It's very subtle...

It has nothing to do with the naked baby on the couch...

Give up?

When we shampooed the carpet (last shampooed in 2010 and not very thoroughly), I also painted the walls! They are a beautiful green now - the same color as the bedroom.

I am in love.

This summer I hope to do some more interior as well as exterior TLC, but I can't say much more (or I will rouse the suspicions of my darling husband) except to say: sunny yellow.

Blessed be.

Last year I managed to piece together one quilt. I'm still embarrassed to admit that. But I blame pregnancy, water retention, and a baby. So there.

Dear readers, you'll be impressed to know that I have tripled my productivity this year! Three whole quilts! I assure you, however, that I have thought about and planned many, many more. Including one for a dear friend whom I have known since high school. Her quilt is now two years late. Fortunately for me, the top is now finished, but I need to piece together the batting and purchase the backing.

But let's not dwell on that now. Let's see the finished products!

Quilt #1: Pinwheels and Triangles 
I can't recall where this pattern came from now. I found it while browsing an old quilt magazine at my grandmother's house before her funeral. When I returned, I vividly remember storing the pattern directions in a large Ziplock bag along with all of the fabric scraps for the quilt. I must have thrown the pattern out after completing the quilt - something I don't normally do. It took me forever to piece it. I managed to finish all of the blocks the summer of 2011 and sew it together in the fall and quilt it at the very beginning of this year. Like most of my larger quilts, I got tired of it hanging around, so I made the quilt smaller than the original design. There were so many blue and green triangles left over that I made a zig-zag boarder. The quilter said that "made the quilt." I agree completely. It's my favorite part of the quilt. I made this for a wedding gift for my friend Shannon, who was my VISTA volunteer for a year. She and her husband both loved it!    

Quilt #2: Rectangle 9-Patch
My friend Mona went to Hawaii for the summer of 2011 and returned with a stack of rectangles for me, all Hawaiian-themed. I was pretty excited because I knew that I would be making Mona a quilt from those scraps of fabric. I decided on a simple 9-patch, but I would keep the rectangular shape instead of cutting the pile down to squares. The quilt was a breeze to put together. I even found sea shell fabric for the backing. The quilter said that she never would have dared to use the mustard-colored fabric for the sashing and the boarder, but that was beautiful. We decided on a floral design for the quilting and a maroon thread. Mona loved it! She didn't want to use it because she said it was too beautiful, but was afraid to display it because she didn't want it to get dirty. Mona moved this fall, and I was so happy that I was able to give her such a lovely gift before she had to go. I even had enough rectangles left over for another quilt for a dear college friend who will be getting married soon...the question is: can I get it to her before the wedding? 

Quilt #3: Bear Claw Wallhanging
My mom asked me to make her a wallhanging to display her employment pins. Her favorite color is blue and I was able to piece it together quickly. It was a bit trickier to quilt it, since I don't get much regular practice, but it turned out very pretty (even though there are more than a few mistakes!). It was one of the easiest quilts I've made in a long, long while! Mom loved it.

 Next year, I plan to do something monumental: I want to make a quilt for myself. I have already decided on the pattern and the colors. It's going to be beautiful and a lovely addition to the bedroom. Not to mention a godsend in the summer when it gets unbearably hot, yet I can't not have a blanket covering me. I also hope to finish two wedding quilts, a wedding wallhanging, and a quilt for a friend who moved but moved back.

Well, I'd better get started!

Blessed be.

I love Yule. It is perhaps one of my favorite holidays.

My fondness began about ten years ago when Robinson and I were newlyweds. We wanted to blend Christmas and Yule traditions (a la Chrismukka), so we burned a Yule log (before we sawed the bottom of the Christmas tree it was christened the "Holiday 2x4"), created ornaments celebrating the most important events of the year, and made "Yule wishes" for the next year. We also celebrated by eating two large, festive meals and opening presents. 

Due to this massive celebration, Yule and Christmas became important means of closing out the year. It's fun to reflect on all of the interesting things that happened to us over the course of a year. We aren't so good at celebrating other holidays (except for Halloween), but I love our traditions.

When Robinson and I had Arthur, we decided not to indulge in the Santa myth. We felt so strongly about it, that I even told my mother (who at one time had a collection of Christmas-themed sweatshirts that would have made Santa himself envious) to not send presents that were addressed "To: Arthur, From: Santa".

This year is the first year that Arthur really realized that there was a guy named Santa and that this guy brought GIFTS to good kids! The funny thing is, though, he never seemed particularly interested in learning more about Santa, never asked us about him, even though fist fights were breaking out in preschool over whether or not there was, in fact, a Santa.

Even when asked if Santa brought him gifts, he answered "No," directly and forcefully and then went on and on about getting lots of gifts from family. It took a few people aback. Even after that, he didn't ask about Santa. Had he asked us, we would have answered truthfully. We don't want to purposefully lie to our children and we've already had to deal with some difficult issues (such as Oldma's death).

Arthur's favorite present by far was his new shovel from Great-Grandma Trask. I hope this boy is as passionate about shoveling snow when he's 15 as he is now. The Legos from his Auntie Blythe were a close second. Balin loved the Clifford books from his Auntie Becky and his Great-Aunt Gloria. When he unwrapped them, he sat in my lap and demanded to read them!

It was a lovely holiday. We were thankful for all of the lovely gifts that our families and friends had gotten us.

Blessed be.

I may have overdone it with the turkey. Just a bit.

I've slowly been making my way through chopping, cooking, and packaging freezer meals: turkey pumpkin chili, turkey pot pie, and turkey taco soup...tomorrow I'll be making turkey adobo. This is in addition to the regular meals we've made with the turkey: turkey noodle soup, sweet turkey curry soup, and turkey tetrazzini...

I think I'm done with turkey. Good thing these freezer meals don't have to be eaten at once!

Blessed be.

We deliberately bought a 19 pound turkey this year for just the four of us.

Before you object, declaring me wasteful and decadent, we really will eat it all - and not just in sandwiches, either. I am planning to make as many meals as possible from it and then freezing them in individual portions for Robinson to take to work, or in family-sized portions for us. You know how I feel about my freezer meals!

I prepared two meals Thanksgiving night: a turkey pumpkin chili and a turkey pot pie. While the chili smelled amazing, the turkey pot pie used more Thanksgiving leftovers (I'm happy to report that we're already out of mashed potates!)...which is why I am including the recipe.

On the Menu: Thanksgiving Leftover Turkey Pot Pie
1/2 medium sized onion, chopped finely
1 carrot, sliced
1 stalk celery, sliced
4 oz mushrooms, sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbs. butter
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup milk
1 tsp. dried thyme
1/2 tsp. dried rosemary
1/4 tsp. pepper
1 1/2-2 cups turkey
1/2 cup frozen peas
mashed potatoes, for topping

1. Combine butter, onion, carrot, celery, and mushrooms in a large pot. Saute until mushrooms and onions are softened, about 5 minutes.

2. Add cream of mushroom soup, milk, thyme, rosemary, and pepper. Bring to a boil. Add turkey and frozen peas. Stir until combined.

3. Remove from heat and pour into a 9-inch pie plate. Place mashed potatoes on top. Bake at 350 degrees for about 20 minutes, or until top is golden brown and mixture is bubbly.

**This meal can also be frozen! Freeze the mashed potatoes and filling separately. When thawed, assemble as above.

Blessed be.

After Balin was born and I, confined to the glider rocking that baby to sleep constantly, rediscovered my love of reading. Since then, I have made a special effort to read a book a month. Sometimes I'm successful and sometimes I'm not, but I really like that I am once again perusing a wide range of works: non-fiction, fiction, science-fiction, parenting...the list goes on.

My current read is The Feminine Mystique. I had never read it, though it was mentioned throughout my undergraduate career. I'm not sure exactly what I anticipated - something academic, definitely - but I am really surprised at how much I can relate to the subject matter in this book.

And I don't think I would have been able to identify so fully with what Friedan is saying had I not been a stay-at-home-mom. Her life in the 1960's is my life now.

Throughout the endless dishes, laundry, repetitious days, and carting the kids around, I sometimes wonder: "Is this as good as it gets?"

or: "Is there more to my life than diapers, vomit, tantrums, and nagging?"

or: "What do I want?"

or: "Who am I?"

I am the mother of two boys and the wife of my husband. But I am also myself.

As much joy being a mother is, sometimes I feel utterly lost the sea of motherhood; I feel as though I am drowning and I can't reach the life raft, no matter how hard I try. There are days when I despair at how I can't seem to find a moment to collect my own thoughts. When I do, they appear to be so incoherent that no one except myself can decipher them ("...put whole wheat flour on the grocery list...remember to take a homemade musical instrument to preschool...wash the windows...wipe those smudges off the mudroom doorframe...email so-and-so...pay the electric bill...replace checks in checkbook...").

It's demanding work to care for your family. I've made so many sacrifices and my children don't give a damn about that now. Maybe they will someday, but not now - it's too broad, too vague for them to understand. They just want someone to play with, read with, and - most of all - to love them. And I can do it, but what about me?

What do I need?

I need love and support. I need to know that my efforts are valued and appreciated. I need to know that I'm doing something right. I need time to nurture myself. Most of all, I need time to create and to be creative. It's such an important part of who I am that I'd be lost if I didn't.

Can I count on obtaining these things? Maybe. As the boys get older, there will be more time for creating. Until then, I must make time and work around the boys' schedules.

Sacrifice. It's the way of the stay-at-home-parent.

Blessed be.