My nephew is, for all intents and purposes, a grown-up. He turned 23 this year. He's matured into a good-natured person. He loves video games and Pokemon. He's always drawing funny pictures and coming up with off-the-wall characters. He dreams big. He's also on the autism spectrum. He's high-functioning, but he's had his fair share of "oops" moments. It happens to all of us, doesn't it?
He and I went on a long walk today. (Probably a little too long because when it was all over, he complained his legs hurt. An "oops" moment for me!) We talked about a range of things: our current builds in Terraria, favorite types of movies, Resident Evil and other horror video games, the DC vs the Marvel universes, eating (and not eating) meat. He wanted to know what video games his Uncle Robbie was playing right now and even made some suggestions of games we'd like.
I feel we have, on the whole, a good relationship. I'm not here all the time so I don't know every little thing that goes on in his life. I don't have repeat conversations with him like my mom. I don't coddle him like his mom. I (hope) I don't disappoint him like his dad used to. He's not ever going to confide in me his deepest darkest secrets - I wouldn't expect him to - but I (hope) he is able to just talk to me. About whatever the hell he wants. And that I, being the amazing auntie I am, will listen.
I think that's what all of us want. We want someone who will listen to us and acts as though they understand us (even if they really don't). Growing up, I was too terrified of my dad to really talk to him and I was annoyed by my mom's baby talk. My sisters, of course, were "too young" to possibly comprehend what I was going through. I felt that none of them understood me. (To be absolutely fair, they probably didn't understand the inner workings of a snotty teenage girl. To this day I thank the stars I going to be missing out on that little adventure.)
As Josh was describing his vision for a museum to house all of his cool armor and weapons and pets and what have you in Terraria, I realized that what I was doing for my nephew was the best thing I could be doing for my own boys. Listening and asking relevant questions.
The funny thing is, he used to call me almost everyday until my sister's husband put a stop to it because he though I'd be bothered. Sometimes I was inconvenienced, but never bothered. I really could have used his calls last year. I don't think I would have felt quite so lonely if I had known there was someone who wanted to talk to me, too.
If my parents had done this, had really done this in an unobtrusive, honest way, would I have a better relationship with them now? If they had asked me all those questions without the yelling or baby talk, would I have answered honestly and without hesitation? Would we be able to talk to each other comfortably?
I want this for my boys. I want them to be able to come talk to me about anything, even if it's a palatial trap-filled building they've created for me in Minecraft. I know I am not always the easiest person to get along with. I know my personality can be difficult and abrasive. But I hope they can count on me to get them through those tough problems by listening. I'm not that great at it, but I'll be there for them, just like I'm there for Josh.
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