Today I went to a funeral for a distant family member. She was - I believe - my grandmother's cousin. We may have met once when I was a child but I've met so many people over the years that they've often blurred together and I cannot be certain.

Funerals are interesting occasions, nevertheless.

The visitation was full of a few familiar faces in a sea of strangers. I caught up with the few people that I knew. A darling little 93-year-old woman approached me and we small-talked for a full ten minutes. She was the mother of a family friend and had known my grandmother. She told me about living in Denver and then her recent move to Arizona. She liked the Arizona climate, she said. She wasn't embarrassed when she blurted out, "I have so much crap in my purse," when she was handed a small pack of tissues by her daughter. Soon she was swept away by a throng of relatives and I found myself alone, people-watching. Later Dad told me that old people liked me because I treated them as people, not as the old fogies that most people my age believe they are.

As I sat in the pew next to my father, I thought about losing my grandmother just a few years before. I empathized with the deceased's family sitting in the front rows, with their used tissues, red eyes, and quiet tears. I found myself wiping away a few random tears as I realized that someday I will be sitting in the front row of my own parents' funerals.

It's a terrifying and yet a strangely comforting thought. We may live our lives differently, speak different languages, have different interests, but we all go though the same cycle of life and death. In a way, it's not unexpected because we will all get there someday - we just have no idea when.

And that is Nature's ultimate secret.

So, carpe diem. Do extraordinary things. Be magical.

Ninety-three seems so old, but in terms of the Universe, it is only a blink of the eye.

Blessed be.


Dear Arthur,

This week you turned six. I can't believe how much you have grown. I can't believe that six years ago this month I held you in my arms - my first perfect little bundle - and wondered what kind of a person you'd someday be.

How sweet you've become.
How curious and inquisitive.
How bright and intelligent.
How thoughtful of others.

Most of your birthday was spent with your classmates. You helped me frost the eggless cupcakes we made so that your friend Cameron (who is allergic to eggs and peanut butter) could have one. "Cameron always gets another treat," you said, "because he can't eat store-bought cupcakes." The icing was a delicious chocolate buttercream and the tiny bits of strawberry we put on top were the perfect compliment.

You got off the bus that Wednesday wearing your birthday crown and a big smile, telling me that everyone sang "Happy Birthday" and that you had given all the extra cupcakes to some of the other kindergarten teachers.

Balin had picked out a special birthday present for you; unfortunately, it was not much of a surprise. He wanted you to open it so badly because he knew you'd like it so much that he kept telling you what it was. You, like your father, do not like spoilers.

Your birthday party was a little rough, I know, because not all of your friends could make it. My heart ached for you because it's so much fun to celebrate happy occasions with people you care about. But everyone who was able to come had a wonderful time. The marshmallow shooters were everybody's favorite.

I am surprised by your accomplishments everyday and I cannot wait to see how much more you grow this next year.

Love, Mommy


I've been quilting for a while now. I've got a fabric stash and more scraps than I know what to do with. That's normal for quilters...but the trick is to make sure you've got the time to go through those scraps and actually make a few quilts.

I am finally putting together a quilt for myself. It's going to be lovely: pink, green, brown, and yellow.

As I'm going through my 3" fabric bin, I discover that I don't have a lot of yellow scraps.

Is it personal preference? (I'm naturally drawn to greens.)

Is it because I've made more quilts for boys? (Hm. More blues and greens.)

Is it because 60% of the American population's favorite color is blue? (More blue...)

So, what's a quilter to do?

I could buy more fabric, but good-quality fabric can be upwards of $15-$18 a yard. Even the fat quarters at some quilt shops are upwards of $3 each. (This may seem like a deal to all you non-quilters out there, but considering there are 4 fat quarters for every yard, you are still paying $12 a yard for that fabric.)

There are a few other quilters in my area, so I may attempt some kind of a swap. (Which, oddly enough, I've never done before...)

And, of course, there are fabric hunts at thrift stores. The issue with second-hand fabric is that you can't be sure of the quality.

I make very few orange, red, and purple quilts, too; mostly because I lack the fabric to make them.

Maybe I need to bite the bullet and re-stock my stash, but $20 won't get me very far!

Honey, can I have $500 to buy some fabric?

Blessed be.



Is it time to go back to school yet?

This week has been exhausting.

Robinson took the entire week off. We planned to take the boys to Chicago and check out a few other museums in the area. There's a nice natural history museum and children's museum in Rockford.

Our boys haven't ever really shown any interest in dinosaurs, but after reading about the Berenstain Bears' visit to their natural history museum, the boys wanted to see dinosaurs. (The Berenstain Bears are quite beloved at our house. The boys are known to read these books repeatedly.) They saw Homer (a triceratops) and Jane (a T-rex). They saw a two-minute movie about Jane (which Balin would not stop talking about). They saw snakes, fish, and lots and lots of shark teeth.

Then there was our trip to Chicago.

We went to the Lego Discovery Center (which the boys loved, loved, loved!). They got to play on this huge indoor playground, learn how Legos were made, see the Chicago skyline in Lego form, pretend they were destroying a Lego Death Star, and blast spiders and targets. After we got settled at our hotel, we went to the Melting Pot for dinner (the boys love fondue, so we thought it appropriate) and went to the Lego store.

The Lego Store was probably the most disappointing part of the trip. Six years ago, when Robinson and I visited, the Lego Store was amazing. It was huge. It had Lego statues of Darth Vader and R2-D2. It had Lego dioramas everywhere. They sold t-shirts, keychains, and every Lego kit imaginable.

The Chicago Lego Store of today was exactly like the Milwaukee Lego Store. Which is too bad because we had talked it up to Josh.

Of course, the boys didn't know the difference. They got to build a few mini-figures and they were completely happy.

Robinson and Balin got sick. Balin's off running around, but Robinson's treating it like the plague. Not that I blame him. Much. After all, getting sick is no fun...but I'll admit, there's a grain of truth to the whole "men act like babies when they get sick" stereotype.

And now, it's Sunday, the last day of Spring Break. I'm looking forward to a nice, quiet Monday at home with Balin. Reading the Berenstain bears, of course!

Blessed be.


This stay-at-home-mom thing is getting harder.

There have been some mornings when I wake up and my first thought is, "Great. Another day. Which was the same as yesterday. And the day before."

I don't lead a very exciting life - at least not the excitement I want. At most, excitement means consoling one of the boys because he was poked in the eye/jumped on/hit/bumped/etc. or watching the boys' amusement in the new. The former is exhausting because it happens too often. The latter is delightful because it doesn't happen enough. Sometimes I think the boys don't like leading hum-drum lives, either.

While I'd rather be traveling, hiking, or seeing the country, I'm actually sewing fitted sheets from flat sheets, cooking, or doing laundry.

And it's depressing when I realize that I've been going this for almost six years now.

I have to believe that there's more to my life. It's the only thing that keeps me sane some days.

This can't be as good as it gets, right?

I don't buy into society's mantra that parenthood is worth it. Most days it is utterly exhausting. I don't believe that I'll ever wish that my boys were this small again. There are some people who make this look so easy. I've been told I'm one of them. Is that true? Do I make parenthood look easy?

Because it isn't. It's hard.

But yet I persist. I have to. I have to be selfless. For now. One day I will be able to be selfish again. One day I will be able to spend my days in silence except for the tapping of the keyboard or the hum of my sewing machine.

Until then, I am in charge of two wonderful, sweet boys.

Blessed be.


Dear Balin,

Your third birthday was Friday, but it felt like we celebrated all weekend. On Friday, we went party shopping, did party prep, ate a special birthday dinner at Culver's, and opened presents from family.

On Saturday, you had a birthday party with some of your new Wisconsin friends. You played in the new sandbox - a hand-me-down gift from Carter and Anders - and planted sunflower seeds. You hardly touched your dinner (eating only a fruit kebob) because you were too excited to eat a cupcake.

When everyone sang "Happy Birthday," you smiled and giggled like you were the most special little person in the whole world. I will remember that light-hearted laugh for years to come.

You already know the alphabet and the numbers to twenty. You even know a few random Spanish words. You love to get out as many toys as possible, but hate to clean up. You love to read and will beg for just one more story. You speak as a boy much older than your time, articulate and polite. My heart swells when you say "you bet" after someone asks you for something. You have an unhealthy obsession with Blizz the Jawa and am greatly looking forward to the day I present you with a Jawa costume. You desperately want to meet Astro the Steller sea lion.

I cannot wait to see all of the things you accomplish this year. I cannot wait to hear about your new interests and hobbies.

I love you, my sweet boy.

Blessed be.


Of all my interests, I've been focusing on writing lately. There's something exciting about expanding a fresh idea, integrating research, and incorporating real-life experiences into a story.

I've been working on a science fiction story for the last year (or so) now. It's gone through many, many plot changes and revisions. I've brought in new ideas and restructured the story. It was going to be epic. It was going to be a best-seller. It would inspire new fanboys (and fangirls!) everywhere.

For all of the writing I've done, I feel as though the entire process has become stagnant and, at times, a bit boring.

Recently, that changed. Last week at the library, I checked the creative writing section and found a book titled If You Want to Write: A Book about Art, Independence, and Spirit. Sure, why not? I thought.

It was such a simple read, but incredibly profound. The author's thesis?

Write honestly. Write as though everything you tell is true.

So, I took a few days to think about the story I wanted to tell. I thought about how I could make it more epic with less. Just yesterday, I approached my story with an entirely different view and began cutting, pasting, revising, rewriting. When it's finished, it may not be the length of a novel, but it will be good. Good enough to publish, maybe.

These are the first few paragraphs. I'm eager and a bit afraid to share them. It's still a rough draft and it's not perfect, but I'm more satisfied with it now than I was only a week ago.

Blessed be.


Finding Isurus

DAY ONE: THE CAPTAIN

My name’s Tuki Varselona.
I'm the captain of a 1200 Peregrine-class freighter, ID code Aivas-0014-98063-T47. To me, she’s just the Aivas. She’s more than a decade old and a little clunky, but she runs well enough to get me from job to job.

Well, she would if there was any real work to be had. Only a year ago, you could get a job - any job - from any one of the 34 colonies and no one would think twice about your politics. I used to freight cargo from the Inner Colonies to the Outer Colonies and anywhere in between. Back then it was more important that you were reliable and honest.

Now, everyone's picking a side, including my clients. Since I’m still formally unaligned, the Freighting Association has restricted my business to the four Border Colonies: Lawor, M-----, Kluane and their mining operations on nearby asteroids, and my homeworld of Vori. Needless to say, I’ve got more time on my hands than I’d like.

I don't regret my decision to stay out of the war - I don’t ever plan on officially getting involved - but it's getting harder and harder to survive. The money I make on jobs now barely pays for my travels and crew wages.

I’ve had a bit of help, though. My parents give me most of their business and even Ty, my Unionist brother, throws me odd jobs here and there. It sounds great, but earning Ty’s “easy money” usually falls somewhere between hours of extra paperwork and catastrophic engine failure: there are always unexpected difficulties and delays. I often wonder why I still accept jobs from him. At one time I could have been more discriminating. Not anymore, I guess.

This morning, he contacted me with another job offer. Just a stop-and-drop, he had promised. The pay’s worth it.

And so, against my better judgement, I tell Dez, my navigator, to take the most direct flyway to Vori.