Lately, Dad's been in a prickly mood in the mornings. He sleeps poorly because of his hernia and isn't well rested when he gets up. This morning, he and Mom greeted each other with their typical back and forth - Dad snapping at her with bursts of angry fits and Mom muttering snide comments behind his back.
The two of them have such different personalities I wondered how the two of them got together in the first place.
It's no secret I get along better with Dad. He scared me when I was a kid, but I've realized over the years he and I have similar personalities. He and I say exactly what we want. We don't mince words. We often communicate by yelling (though I conscientiously temper my reactions so my kids won't be terrified of me the same way I was terrified of my dad). Mom won't say what she wants, only what she thinks you want to hear. It's maddening because it becomes next to impossible to determine exactly what it is she wants or needs.
This personality clash drives both of them completely batty. Mom is not direct and Dad is not subtle. Neither one is able to communicate with the other in a way that is useful for the other to process. Mom feels Dad is attacking her and instantly becomes defensive. She shuts down. Dad accuses Mom of being evasive and gets upset because he can't figure out the meaning behind her words. There is no winner in this method of communication.
Today, Dad joked you always knew what his mother, Eunice, was thinking. Good or bad, you always knew where you stood with her. She wasn't afraid to say what was on her mind, direct and to the point. She and my dad always got into yelling matches, constantly screaming at each other for dominance over small, random details. They were so alike, their interactions were painful to watch.
Thankfully, Dad and I aren't like that - we are more civil to each other. I am able to tease him and get him to calm down when he gets excitable or frustrated. He and I share stories and have the same off-beat sense of quirky humor. I laugh when he complains life is so boring without Trump in office. I motivate him to finish important paperwork: back taxes, his will. He offers me books he thinks I'd like to read. We watch PBS together and discuss the shows afterward.
We had finished his chores for the day: Dad, dictating a list of stamps from his vast collection and me, typing it up dutifully on his laptop. He turned to me and said, "You know, if you get finished with pictures a bit early, we could get started on taxes tonight."
Dad would rather walk across hot coals than work on his taxes. My parents never complete their taxes on time - it's a running joke within the family.
Perhaps, after all this time, Dad has finally learned the art of subtlety.
0 comments: