Boreal Witch

Desserts need butter and eggs. They just do.

Vegans may claim that they can make a cookie, cake, pie, etc. without animal products, but I say "NO!" No matter how many times you eat it, applesauce and oil do not have the creaminess and texture that butter and eggs do. I have made numerous vegan desserts and while they all came out fine, they always tasted as though they were missing something. Something important.

One morning while Arthur was at gymnastics, I flipped through one of the many magazines up on the balcony. An old issue of Delicious Living boasted that it had gluten-free and vegan recipes to die for. Hmph, I thought, we'll see about that. As I sat, carefully looking at the different recipes, one entitled "Vegan Trail Mix Cookies" caught my eye. I ripped it out of the magazine and brought it home.

I now own a vegan cookie recipe that is to die for. Seriously. It is one of the most delicious cookie recipes I have ever made. Granted, it isn't truly vegan unless you use vegan-approved chocolate chips, which I never have in the house, but even without the cookies were perfectly soft, crumbly, and yummy. (I ate about 5 as soon as they came out of the oven.)

I did modify the original recipe to try and make it healthier. I halved the amount of oil and substituted applesauce and pureed pumpkin for the water and oil. Robinson is not a big fan of pecans, so I used toasted almonds instead. I was a little concerned about the dried cherries because I am not a big cherry fan, but they proved their worth in this recipe. I don't think I would use anything else for this recipe. Except maybe dried apricots. I also used bittersweet chocolate in place of the semi-sweet. It's a bit healthier because of the higher cocoa content.

For the most part, the family loved these cookies. Robinson claimed that the first night they were more like granola bars, but the next day they had miraculously become a cookie. Arthur ate one and said he didn't like them, but Balin ate one and immediately wanted more. I absolutely love them and will continue to make them.

On the Menu: Trail Mix Cookies
Makes about 36 cookies
You can find the original recipe here.

3/4 cup all-purpose flour 
3/4 cup whole-wheat pastry flour 
1 cup carrot (finely shredded ) 
1 1/2 cups unsweetened coconut (shredded) 
1 1/2 cups light brown sugar 
1 1/2 cups rolled oats 
1 teaspoon baking powder 
1/2 teaspoon salt 
1/2 cup pureed pumpkin 
1/4 cup canola oil
1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce  
1 tablespoon vanilla extract 
1 cup bittersweet chocolate chips 
1 cup slivered almonds (lightly toasted) 
1 cup dried cherries

1. Preheat oven to 350˚. Mix together flours, carrot, coconut, sugar, oats, baking powder, and salt. In a separate bowl, mix together water, oil, and vanilla. Add wet mixture to dry. Mix to combine. Fold in chocolate chips, pecans, and cherries.

2. Scoop batter by 2 tablespoons each onto a baking sheet, pushing in any stray pieces. Bake for 15–20 minutes, until lightly golden. Cool for 2 minutes, and then remove to a rack to cool completely.


Blessed be.

Dear Arthur,

Today you turn four. I don't know if you'll remember this day as you get older, but two weeks earlier we had a swim party for you and your friends at Mary Siah. You chose to have lemon curd with lemon-lavender cupcakes (again) and I also made chocolate zucchini cupcakes. While the cupcakes were delicious, the lemon curd was a bit runny. Next time I promise I'll cook it longer.

You received some lovely gifts from your friends which included a movie ticket, a picture frame, a pottery set, clay and an appliqued shirt, and some water guns. You took the water guns into the pool and your friend Cedar liked them so much that you got him a few for his birthday a few days later.

It was a fun party.

We also had a family birthday party for you on your actual birthday. You loved ripping open your presents and getting to play with them for a bit before moving on to the next one. You even shared some of your gifts with Balin.

You asked for grilled pineapple and hot dogs for dinner and Mi-lemon-ian Falcon ice cream sandwiches for dessert. Uncle Paul came over to eat and watch you open your presents.

If I had one wish for you this next year it is to enjoy your curiosity. I realize I don't always appreciate that you are still young and still learning about the world, but I am working to become more patient. I am also planning on just enjoying you for the rest of the spring and summer because this fall you will be going to preschool.

Love, Mommy

Blessed be. 

Yesterday my baby turned one. We didn't have a party because I had to rush to a board meeting, but since he was only turning one, I felt that he'd understand. (Though he did throw a fit as I was leaving and I think that was because I was leaving, not because we weren't having a party.)

I was a little worried about how Arthur would react to see Balin getting all the attention, gifts, and special cake. Apparently, Jade, Arthur's first and probably best friend, did not do so well at her younger brother's first birthday back in January. Amanda captured it all in one photograph: Jade reaching for the cake and frowning, the beginning of tears in her eyes. Poor girl. It was hard not to laugh.

Arthur, however, did fine. He helped Balin unwrap his gifts, ate cake, sang "Happy Birthday", and wore his newspaper hat the whole time (and this boy hates to dress up). Balin loved the cake and played with some of his new toys. It was very peaceful compared to Arthur's first birthday. I could tell that Arthur is more than ready for his birthday, which is less than a month.

Happy birthday, my dear, sweet baby. You bring such joy to my life. Your laugh is infectious and your personality is so bright. You will become such a loving and caring individual. I can't hug you enough.

Love, Mom

Blessed be.

Perhaps you think that I saw my twin today or that I met someone whose personality was that of an "evil Bobbi." That's what the title would suggest, but in actuality, this is a story about my new passport.

I went to the post office several weeks ago to get a new passport. My old one had expired in 2010 and since I was going to be going through Canada this summer, it was one of those "had to be done" items on my agenda.

The picture the clerk at the post office took was okay; suitable for any ID. No worse or better than any other picture I've had to get taken for state or government documents. Whatever.

When my passport arrived, I eagerly ripped open the envelope, opened my passport, and check out my picture. My initial reaction was, "What the hell?!"

After a while, I peeked at my passport picture again and just laughed. I was very, very sorry that my old passport was in Philadelphia being shredded because I thought this entire situation would make a very amusing blog entry. I was also kicking myself because I didn't bother scanning my Israeli or Greek customs stamps.

I showed my new passport picture to Robinson and he had a hard time hiding his disgust.

Yes, folks, it's that bad.

Imagine my surprise when I received my old passport in the mail just today, whole, but with two holes punched into the front. I knew then that the whole world had to meet "Bizaro Bobbi."

Here's my picture from my old passport:

Awww! Look how cute! I'm so cute that no one really notices that I have a cold sore on my bottom lip! Look how impressionable! I'm young, inexperienced. I'm super happy because I'm going some place other than Canada! I'm off to Israel on an Indiana Jones-esque dig!

Doesn't this photo just scream "CUTE?"

Here's the picture that was taken at the post office:

Okay, not bad. You can tell I now have kids and that they've certainly done a number on me (note the very attractive bags under my eyes and the baby weight I still haven't lost). This is a suitable picture for a driver's license (hmm...though now that I think about it, this is probably better than my driver's license photo). It certainly isn't a Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie prison booking photo, but not too bad.

Cue the picture from the new passport:

OH MY GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FACE???

Is it just me or does my hair look flatter? My skin looks sallow and - what the heck - do I even have eyes?!

I look like I'm a raging alcoholic at a wedding party ready to toast the bride and groom.

It's a good thing that I can laugh about this. Maybe I should put off any major trips until 2022 when I have to get a new passport.

Blessed be.

**Warning: this blog entry contains high levels of nerdiness. If you aren't a gamer, you probably won't understand some of it or even care. All I can say is it's a good thing I'm a female gamer because geeky is the new sexy. Long live Felicia Day!**

For Christmas, my sister Blythe got us the game Star Wars: The Old Republic (SWTOR), a MMORPG put out by BioWare, as well as a subscription for several months. We didn't start playing right away because we had company for a whole month very soon after Christmas and didn't want to waste our subscription. Unfortunately for Blythe, she had to hear, "When are Bobbi and Robinson going to play?" from Dustun, her boyfriend, continuously. She's probably still hearing it because our character on his server is no where near the level that Dustun's character is probably at. Which just means we'll have to play a lot to catch up. A lot.

My character is a plucky young Twi'lek smuggler named Tuki. She, kind of like the iconic Han Solo, is a scoundrel with a heart of gold. Except that she's not just into the credits. For most missions, she could care less about the money. She'll help people - especially the underdog - because it's the right thing to do.

Here's what I have for her backstory so far: Tuki was born and raised on Ryloth to merchant parents. She has an older sister and a younger brother. She started working with her parents when she was very young and loved interacting with all of the pilots and traders. They told her stories of their adventures and she dreamed of one day flying her own ship. When she was a teenager, she had a very brief affair with a fast-talking smuggler who broke her heart and because of that she loathes slimy playboys. She is grateful to have met that louse because he was the one who taught her how to shoot a blaster. She respects good fighters and people who stand up for their convictions, even if they don't always meld with hers. She has a quick wit and will not back down once she's sworn to do something.

Last night, thanks to Mark, one of Robinson's co-workers who also happens to be a SWTOR player, Robinson and I were able to play together on his work laptop on Mark's account. The Esseles mission was super tough (we died about five times trying to knock off one of the baddies), but fun. It was great being able to do heroic missions with someone I knew. I'm hoping that some of our other friends will be able to play soon or that we'll be able to meet up with Dustun and do a few quests with him. Playing with some of the other people on our server isn't that bad, but it's way more fun if you know someone.

Okay, I think I'm geeked out for now. I'm having a lot of fun with the game, even if it makes my nerd meter go up significantly.

Blessed be.

Balin's almost a year. He's crawling well and practically walking. If he could get past his psychological issues, he'd probably be bipedal by now. He's learning sign and already has about 5 words that he uses consistently under his belt. He's an excellent helper: he doesn't hesitate to put toys back in the toy boxes and baskets, although it doesn't seem to work for chores like loading the dishwasher. People comment on his gorgeous red hair. I suppose every baby has some feature people remark on. Arthur had his eyelashes, Balin has his hair. He eats like there's no tomorrow, though I can tell he's a bit pickier than Arthur.

Already people are asking me if we're going to have another, sometimes jokingly and sometimes not. I always say no, that we're not going to have another because I would go crazy. People laugh, but I don't think that they realize I really would go crazy.

I can't even imagine another pet, let alone another person in my tiny home. I can't imagine how many more times I would hear the word, "Mommy!" or how many times I have to say, "Damnit, leave your brother alone!" or "Can't I just have 5 minutes to myself?" One was easy. Two is difficult, but not impossible. When I think about how much more I would have to endure with three, I feel a panic attack coming on. Three seems way out of my league. Three seems like struggling in quicksand with a fifty-pound weight on my back. Some days I can barely survive with two...what makes people think I could handle 3?

Most people who ask are grandparents. They love grandkids because they don't have to raise them. They don't have to feed them, or clothe them. They don't even have to play with them if they don't want to. They don't have to carry them around for 40 weeks or give birth to them. They don't have to breastfeed them or satisfy their needs. They don't have to reason with them or convince them that mashed potatoes do not belong on walls (or hair or clothes or their brother). Granted, there are many grandparents who raise their grandkids and become parents all over again. They are the exception. I'm sure if they had a choice they would rather spend their retirement years in Maui or Turkey or Mexico than be parents all over again. Gods bless you.

Parenting is a thankless job and I'm tired of being under appreciated. I don't want to have any more kids because I'm tired of being swamped with demands and expectations. I'm just done. I'm ready to be a bit selfish and take some time for me. Some people want to be around their kids all the time. I think those parents are the crazy ones.

We went to dinner at Robinson's new Home Teacher's house. He has a wife, five kids, and another on the way. The husband looked chipper, upbeat, and even played and wrestled with the kids. The wife looked exhausted. Mostly she looked like she was done with the pregnancy (she's due in May), but I could detect the same feeling I get when I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with my kids: the need and desire to be with yourself...just being.

There was so much noise at that house. Kids screaming and fighting and talking...all the time. Her world revolves around those kids, their needs, and their wants. Being a good Mormon wife and mother, she has probably sacrificed everything she wanted to do just to have a family. And while I do admire her for that, I wonder if she ever regrets her decision or if she just writes it off as "Satan giving her dark thoughts" and then prays about it. Anyway, I'm not going to discuss this further in this entry simply because it is a bit off topic - it was something I was wondering but will probably never ask or get an honest response.

Let's just say I'm just not that type of person. I'm ready to travel again (thank goodness for the Chilkoot this summer!) and appease my adventurous spirit that's been chained up for way too long. I find myself planning "me vacations" because I yearn for time to just explore the world. Without the kids. Without the husband.

Just me.

Blessed be.

Dear Bobbi,

Today is your 32nd birthday.

A few weeks ago, you spent some time going through old photographs - mostly ones of high school and college - and I found myself thinking, "how in the world could you possibly think so negatively of yourself?"

In all of the pictures you were smiling, bold, and confident; yet I can clearly remember thinking of myself as ugly, tormented, and sad. I wrote myself off back then, believing that I would never be good enough, that I was unlovable, and that I couldn't be happy. Granted, most of this nonsense was seeped in teenage angst. We had a lot of growing to do.

Our friend Mona told me that she thought we've done more with our life than lots of people our age. I reflected upon this for a while. Had we really? Mona would not lie to us, so there had to be some truth in that statement. I made a mental checklist: 1) got married; 2) had kids; 3) traveled some - not as much as I would have liked, but some; 4) received 2 BAs and a Masters; 5) spent time volunteering for causes important to us; and on and on. There is still a lot we would like to do, certainly, but there's also so much we have done. We've made an impact in many lives, though we may never know it.

I don't miss our teenage years, but I have to wonder if we'd think differently had we known everything we know now. I'd like to think that something would have stuck, but back then we were so stubborn and hard-headed that it probably wouldn't have mattered what we knew. We needed to evolve as a person and I know for a fact that we are a different person now than we were 15 years ago. You're a little more confident and bold, reflective and thoughtful, careful and less dramatic. You can admit to being wrong and can share your fears with other people.

Today your father treated you for a Chinese lunch and your fortune cookie said, "Welcome change." I can't think of a better way to start a new year than embracing the very thing most people are afraid of. There's a lot that we still want to do that we will get to do someday. Some of it will require a bit of patience and a lot of drive. You have both and you can make all of these things happen. Life is a challenge, but the sooner you realize that the only thing in your way is you, anything is possible.

Life is too short to waste on worry and negativity and much to long to reflect on your mistakes. Keep learning, keep doing, keep loving, and keep be-ing.

Here's to another 32 years.

Love, Bobbi